Chores and responsibility

Every child who is old enough to participate in even the smallest way has chores in our family. We view chores as a way of fostering an “others centered” attitude, rather than a “self-centred” one. Chores are seen as a way for children to be involved and invested in our family and to understand that we work together to serve and help each other because we are Pascoes and we are blessed to have the family that God has given us.

We also assign chores to develop personal responsibility which we value as an important character trait. What parent does not want to raise a responsible child? Chores are one way to foster this and it is for this reason that we refer to them as responsibilities. Children are asked “Do you have the freedom to come to the breakfast table” or “Are your responsibilities complete?” to keep the awareness on the character that we are developing.

 The children are not paid for the chores that they do, they are simply an act of service that helps our family and are completed because we all work together. Children tend to value what they spend their time on and we want them to invest in this family and value being a part of it. They also do not receive pocket-money. Now, I can hear you all exclaiming that they need to learn to manage their money and how to be good stewards and how will they do that if they don’t get paid?

                                                  (Yes, she is using a dirty floor cleaning cloth; but it’s the thought that counts!) 

It is our opinion that children will value and manage their money responsibly when they have earned it themselves through labour. They need to understand that if they want something they need to work for it and that there is a direct correlation between the amount of work they do, the amount of money they earn and the amount of “stuff” they can then buy. A child who has cleaned windows, vacuumed out cars and pulled weeds to earn enough money for the latest Lego set, will in turn place a high value on that Lego set. They will also then have some idea how much work goes into purchasing the items that they already own or are given and will have a greater respect for their property and the property of others. Money that is earned is shared into 4 money boxes titled tithing, wealthing, saving and spending. 10% for tithing, 10% for wealthing, 10%for saving and the rest in spending or whichever one they choose.

When a bucket of weeds equals $1.00 and the doll they long for costs $30.00, a child who has worked to earn their money will be doing quick addition sums in their head as they place a value on that doll. Hmmm, that doll equals thirty buckets of weeds; perhaps I’ll be content with the 3 dolls I already own. Wise money management!!

Jobs to earn money are always available and are given what we feel is a reasonable rate of pay. Enough so that they can feasibly save up for an item, but not so much that the effort required is negligible. At the moment, the jobs that are available for earning money are collecting snails from the garden, weeding and washing and vacuuming out the car. I accidentally overpriced the snails at 10 cents each the first time, thinking that the children would have to really spend time hunting them down and it would be quite an effort to gather a large amount. In only 20 minutes, the three eldest collected enough snails to cost me $15.70!! Ouch! Snails were subsequently re-priced the following day.

Below are some ideas of the kind of responsibilities (chores) that children may be assigned, remembering that these are the day-to-day acts of family service that do not have a monetary value attached to them. When you are assigning chores, there must be a training process for children to be able to successfully complete their tasks to an acceptable standard. More on that another day.

Obviously all the chores listed below in a younger age category can be given to an older child, although I haven’t repeated the same ideas in each older age group. These ideas are just a start; you will be able to think of others that suit your unique family situation. You may also need to introduce certain chores at a later age or could introduce more difficult chores at an earlier age, depending on your children.

Responsibility (Chore) Area

1-2 yr olds

bedroom/play areas help Mum pack away toys after play, beginning with play pen
bed (once in big bed) PJ’s under pillow, pull up sheets & doona with help
dressing  
dirty Clothes put dirty clothes into hamper
washed laundry pass wet clothes to adult to hangPut pegs away when taking washing off line
folding find matching socks, deliver simple items (eg bibs to kitchen drawer)
food preparation share given items between plates
setting/clearing table put out placemats, coasters, cutlery, unbreakable cups and dishesClear own dishes, push chair in
dishes empty cutlery from dishwasherdry unbreakable dishes (towel system)
rubbish put rubbish into bin on request (not without permission)
bathrooms put out fresh towels & face washer
toilets nappy in bin
floors pick up for person sweeping/mopping & replace items afterwards
outdoor/garden tidy outdoor toys
deliveries deliver given items to their place (e.g. bib to dirty clothes basket)
misc open curtains

Responsibility (Chore) Area

2-5yr olds

bedroom/play areas pack away own toys/equipment after play, tidy own bedroom
bed make bed & strip bed sheets (take to laundry)
dressing get dressed into clothes chosen by Mum
dirty Clothes take all dirty clothes baskets to laundry & empty, sorting dirty clothes into light and dark loads
washed laundry peg items onto clothes horse & bring in dry washing from clothes horse
folding learn to fold all washing, starting with simple items such as t/towels and face washers. Put away own folding
food preparation kitchen helper (e.g. measure ingredients, stir mixture, wash salad veg, peel veg etc.)fill water glasses
setting/clearing table set table with crockery, clear all table items, wipe table, place mats, scrape plates, stack dishwashersweep under table after meals, wipe backs of chairs, spray & wipe kitchen cupboard doors, splash backs
dishes wash unbreakable & sturdy dishesdry all dishes (bar sharp items etc.) unpack dishwasher (barring large breakable items)
rubbish empty rubbish bins from bedrooms and bathrooms
bathrooms wipe bathroom sinks/benches/bathreplace towels
toilets replace toilet roll, restock spare rolls, spray and wipe toilet seat and button
floors dust bust small areas, moving on to sweeping & vacuuming floors
outdoor/garden water pots & garden plantspull weeds (supervised)
deliveries empty delivery basket daily
misc feed pets, wash and refill drinking waterspray and wipe door knobs, light switches, fingermarks off walls

Responsibility (Chore) Area

5-7+ yr olds plus

bedroom/play areas tidy assigned areas/rooms of the house
bed strip & re-make bed
dressing choose own clothes as directed by parent (e.g. put on round the house shirt & shorts)
dirty Clothes load washing machine (check pockets)
washed laundry hang out and bring in full load of washing
folding fold and put away all kinds of washing
food preparation full meal & snack prep under supervision (barring hot areas)independently bake a cake, put bread on in a bread maker etc
setting/clearing table sweep/vacuum/mop meal areas
dishes wash and dry all dishes (bar sharp knives etc.)
rubbish take kitchen rubbish out & replace bin bags
bathrooms full bathroom and shower clean
toilets full toilet clean
floors sweep/vacuum/mop floors (divide house into zones)
outdoor/garden sweep sandpit spills, patiorake leaves, yard work, water larger areas
deliveries  
misc clean up after animals wash pet bowlsclean windows, mirrors, TV & computer screens

Mel Hayde’s Book “Terrific Toddlers” at  US Book Depository has some information about introducing chores with toddlers and the excellent book is “What Every Child Should Know Along The Way” at  Amazon or Growing Families Australia is another great resource.

Terrific Toddlers: Tantrum Free Two's-Almost!: Tantrum Free Two's-Almost!

Mat time

Mat time training allows you to go anywhere and place a simple boundary on the ground for your child to play quietly in while you can relax knowing they are safe, quiet and happy. It is wonderful for those situations where a roving, noisy toddler is simply not welcome or could even be dangerous. It teaches children sitting and focussing skills and is excellent training for future learning situations that require extended concentration.

¨       The difference between room time and mat time is that there can be interaction during mat time (as long as the child stays on the mat) and mat times happen in sight of you, wherever you are working.

¨       Start with several smaller time slots throughout the day and work up to longer time periods at a single time in the day.

¨       Plan something to do that allows you to train during this time without becoming distracted. Remember, the purpose of the short time period to start with is to finish while it is going well and praise, praise, praise! Do not be tempted initially to extend the time in this training phase because it is going well and leave it until a problem happens – end on a good note.

¨       If a child tries to get off the mat immediately say “It’s mat time, stay on the mat” and gently but firmly move them back onto the mat.

¨       If the child is consistently getting off (and you are sure they understand the expectation to stay on) you may choose to put them into their cot. They can be bought back out after a short time to try again or if still getting off the mat, you may choose to have them finish the remainder of their mat time in the cot (or some other isolation area), with or without their toys.

¨       During the initial training period, you may choose to extend the time by joining the child on the mat once their capacity for independent play is exhausted. Be wary of letting them become dependent on you for entertainment.

¨       Further consequences can also be used once training is established and a child is still deliberately disobeying.

¨       Provide a few toys, not a lot. Better to change half way through than add too many at the start. Young children become overwhelmed with too many choices and end up unable to focus on anything.

¨       Toys that “accidentally” come off the mat are not returned. Use your discretion!

¨       Introduce packing away from first use – demonstrate first, do it with the child, then expect the child to pack away independently once they have mastered the skill of doing so with help.

¨       In order for a child to pack up independently, toys must be organised very simply e.g. open crates. Do not expect a toddler to pack toys into bags and boxes.

¨       Start when you know you will be able to be home for a few days in a row and consider introducing the mat several times each day for small time increments. Once you are ready to extend the time, once a day for a longer period may be sufficient.

¨       For young children, consider doing it through the weekend until well established

¨       Have it at a similar time each day

¨       Consider having some special toys that only come out for mat time or take other toys out of general circulation so they become interesting again.