The 3 times rule

My wonderful husband; the only adult who got in there with the kids on the black plastic water-slide at family camp.

I wrote some time ago about the 10 times rule for children. Today it’s the 3 times rule for husbands. At an Easter conference for families and leaders in ministry, the wives got together for an informal chat about ways to support our husbands. There were many ideas bandied around, most of which I had heard before. But one was new to me and worth passing on. It is very simple; the first time your husband does something that irritates, grates, you dislike or simply don’t want him to do for practical reasons, say nothing. The second times he repeats the action, say nothing. After the third occasion it is time to raise the subject – at an appropriate time. More on that in a minute.

Let me give you an example. I like my house to be fairly tidy but don’t knock myself out about it. With 6 children I’ve had to face the reality that it will never look like a display home. However, when I have cleaned up and it is looking good, the first bit of mess or clutter that is dumped really bothers me. My husband arrived home to a spotless kitchen and dining area (rare I know) and proceeded to kick his shoes off underneath the bench before heading outside to play with the children. My immediate impulse was to tell him (politely) not to leave his shoes there please, with the fear that he might start doing it regularly. When I stopped to think about it I had to concede that he usually doesn’t leave his shoes there and that this was a one-off occurrence. With that in mind, I said nothing.

If however, he began to kick them off there day after day it would be time to raise the matter. Now to the next important point; how to raise it. With my personality type, I tend to confront immediately and efficiently and solve what I see as the problem straight away. It is in fact often wiser to wait for a moment when you are free from conflict, both calm and relaxed and you have had time to think through the words you will use and how to phrase the problem so as to not sound negative, angry or like a nit-picking, nagging wife.

It may be that it is time to praise some of the things you do like about what your husband does, before starting on the things you don’t like. Next time you catch yourself about to jump in with a negative, stop and think. Is this the third time? You’ll be surprised at how many things can be left to slide by without comment, leaving only those that you really do need to talk about. Your husband will appreciate it.

[9] It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
(Proverbs 21:9 ESV)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: